In loving memory of my dear friend, Valens

Happy birthday, Abdallah!

On the 1st of April, I was taking my time to answer his birthday message, and I ended up taking a bit too long. "Valens falleció" is the next message I received from his mom, and I thought that it was a joke or something. It just couldn't cross my mind that my beloved would die too soon. How could he? He literally wrote me the day before "¡estoy fresquísimo!".

I thought of writing down a bit about him in loving memory of my friend. And I'll write it in English, because even though we spoke a lot of Spanish throughout most of our relationship, the intense, beautiful, deep (and lately professional) conversations were in English. I loved him in all languages, and I especially loved him in English.

My dear friend was a bit introverted. I remember he once told me that in sixth grade he had to make a presentation in class, and all the other kids laughed at him, and he changed after that. He was extremely frightful of presenting in class in uni to the point that he wouldn't care if he failed a subject if that entailed giving a presentation, even though he could and would pass the subject with honors.

Valens is Pierre's brother, whom I've met in university couple years before I met Valens. When we met, I asked "¿eres Valens Tondreau, el hermano de Pierre Tondreau?". And he said "sí! ¿lo conoces?", and I answered "¡pues entonces tienes que ser un genio como él!". And he sure was. His projects in university would be waaaaay more advanced, modern and perfected, but there was a problem because they would never give him the highest grade, I asked myself why. Until one day I realized he was not sending the amazing projects he'd show me out of humility, but a basic one he'd write just to fulfill the requirements of the subject.

My dad taught me to surround myself with very smart people and so of course, I invited him to my home in Lopera. I remember our first night sleeping next to each other in the living room, listening to Untitled, by The Police, and him falling in love with the song. And boy was I in for a surprise, as he would proceed to give me some of the best music recommendations based on what I'd shared with him. I was like "how the heck do you have such a good taste in music?!?!?!". Wow. How eclectic. What a feel, what a heart in the ear he had. I've never met in my life someone who's music taste I enjoyed as much as his. We both ended up listening to Untitled all night long in a loop together with a dim orange light before going to sleep. He'd ask me to repeat it over and over, and I'd happily oblige sharing such obsession with him.

Valens was extremely attentive and would study everyone fully when he gets to know them. I certainly felt that as soon as I knew him: suddenly he'd know my chess openings by analyzing my online games, he studied my work and know the names of my bosses, he would look closely at my Instagram pictures and would learn details that not even I would know about and then would mention those details years later in a conversation. When Valens is your friend, he feels like your biggest fan.

When I came to visit him in Fuerteventura for the first time, he was so thin, so so so thin that when we walked in the beach I thought he would fly at some point. He was so weak back then, just out of the hospital after his first medical event, and yet he would try to host me as if he was in better than perfect conditions. He would host me so well, that he used to get tired multiple times a day and take naps during the day so he can rest and prepare for the next activity. I never needed to do "things", I just wanted to be with him, but he could not rest until you've eaten well, and have seen every part of his Island, his paradise. And when I was tired and needed to sleep, he would swiftly change the days' plan to adapt it to my resting hours, and would lay in his bed with his phone waiting for me to wake up, planning the next thing we would do that day. Valens is the best host I've ever met, and he continues to inspire me to this day.

One of the beautiful things about his hosting is that he would never make you feel like a burden. If you're tired, he would never tell you "oh, we were supposed to do this". When you wake up in the morning, you find two bottles of water in the door of your bedroom, and a breakfast ready. I used to wake up quite late, and he'd pay attention to the smallest of details, like not heating up the bread until I was ready to eat, and if I told him I liked jam, he'd bring three types of jam: strawberry, peach, and berry; he won't tell you "I got multiple options for you", he would just tell you "we have three options". Valens is a beautiful, considerate human being.

One of the beautiful things of being around him, is that you know your emotions and state of mind are being read all the time. It might sound intrusive, but the way that he did it made me feel like I could just be me without explaining anything, without saying much. Before I even say "I'm tired", he'll say "¿te apetece una siesta?", "fuck yes, we need a nap". There were times I didn't like that he could read me so well, like when I didn't like the restaurant he chose, but he could clearly read me and I could see the disappointment on his face. Valens is the most empathetic person I know.

When I came this week, Pierre and I told each other multiple times that we felt that he knew that he was going to die. When Valens puts himself to learn something, you can be certain that he's going to be the biggest expert in the matter that you know. And of course, he would be the biggest expert of his own codition. He would know every percentage and story out there, he would read every experience. And he for sure would know what awaited him. What awaits all of us. Death. But still, Pierre and I still had an intuition about this, we weren't 100% sure. Until we opened his phone, and read his notes, that's when realized he wrote extensively about his demise.

That's why, when in last December I called him 10 minutes before tickets went on sale for a concert in Las Palmas. "Hey Valens, do you want to come to this concert that...". "Yes, let's go!". "WHAT?! Who are you and what have you done to Valens? I honestly called you already expecting a 'no,'". When doctors told him to not get in the ocean when there's a lot of waves, to not ride bikes or drive, he would do them all and will ask me not to tell his mom. He was ready to live. And he was in a hurry.

Think about this for a minute. Valens not only taught us how to live: by being a great friend, a amazing host, an attentive person, someone that gives you everything and expects nothing in return. That's why I didn't answer his birthday message, because I know that of everyone that I know, Valens will never expect an answer to his message. But, he even teaches us how to die. Deciding to live until the last minute, being "fresquísimo", with the head held high. I wish I died like Valens. He is the lucky one us. So, everyone, please, let's honor his life by not letting Valens' death be the end, but the beginning of keeping a legacy of a life worth living. Let's take the responsability of keeping that legacy.

My friend, mi querido, mi amor, my beloved. Te adoro. Gracias por darme otra lección para vivir. Te quiero mucho, bobo.